On Monday, I spent my morning in a photo studio, done up to the nines in a silk nightie and bridal dressing gown, pretending to be bitten by a rather handsome male model called Adam. Nice work if you can get it. The point of this exercise, in addition to earning my living in a v pleasurable way, was to recreate a typical scene from a classic horror movie and expose myself as a lover of vampire culture. It’s true; I’m a sucker for the undead. And who can blame me? I mean, if only all gentlemen looked that good in a scarf and nowt else (eyes left for your daily R Pattz fix).
So the last month or so in my house has been more awash than usual with vampire-tastic-ness. I’ve been mainlining True Blood, re-reading the Vampire Diaries and forcing friends to indulge in a ‘Bite Nite’ at my gaff (that’s watching Twilights I and II back to back whilst glugging red cocktails – no actual blood was shed).
I’ve also been going through a rather more acute-than-normal fashion frenzy. It’s the changing of the seasons in-store, you see – and the sniff of a professional photo session with nicely dressed stylists etc. I have the excuse of two forthcoming holidays on my side and have been plundering the sales for beach-y bargains as well as scrabbling to get the pick of the AW10/11 collections.
And with all this nosferatu and greedy consumerist action going on, my dearly beloved was prompted to make a rather canny observation; I am, he says, a fashion vampire.
Yes! It’s true. Even though my wardrobe is now (literally – bits keep falling off) bursting, I can’t stop myself. The thirst for more and more delicious items of clothing is too strong to resist. And if the clothes I buy have something of the goth about them, all the better. I. Must. Have. Them.
For example, I need more maxi dresses to swish about in. I’ve just treated myself to a black and beaded gothic beauty from the boutique at the end of my road (in Tooting, innit), but loving this similar version in Miss Selfridge.
These cheeky shoes from Office are going to see me right through to the autumn.
And then, of course, the biggest pressing decision – what do I wear when I hit the pictures to see Twilight Eclipse? Could it be Topshop’s moth and skull vest? All Saints’ frill hem dress? Urban Outfitters’ Cheap Monday sundress?
It really is like wondering which neck to bite.
If I’m surrendering to fashion vampirism, I don’t really care. It makes me happy and although the thirst is insatiable, I do have that happy feeling, for a few minutes on the way home from Topshop, paper bags full of booty in hand, that this particular round of gorgeous purchases will make my life complete…mmwhahahahahahahahahaaaa!