Straight laced

Off the bat, let me tell you; I loves lace, I do. Number one reason; it’s strictly for girls. Not even the campest camp man can do lace and get away with it. Lace is all about femininity, with a bit of flamboyance tossed in. And another sweet ting about lace – you can see through it, natch.

Not that I’m an exhibitionist (I so am) but what could be better than offering the world a sneaky peak (it was a typo, but I’m leaving it in) of your bra? I’m no Christina Hendricks (is anybody? she could kill a man with those ridiculous airbags) but I like exposing a bit of bra-covered bosom as much as the next chick. There’s just something so playful and liberating, not to mention sexily voyeuristic, about someone almost seeing your underkecks.

My drawers are stuffed (ahem) with lace tops and lace bras. Like most things in my life, it all started with Madonna. That woman abso-fuckin-lutely rocked a lace corset and gloves in the eighties. She can still carry it off now, at 150, or however old she isn’t. I bet Jesus Christ Luz is lovin’ it. Unsurprisingly, the only woman in the world who is as inspired by Queen Madge’s fashion choices as I (that’s Lady GaGa to you), has picked up the lace mantle and is gash-flashing all over the shop in various lace body-suits.

I’ve paraded my own lace, from the demure, high-necked blouse to the frankly scandalous fitted body, everywhere from clubs of the night to PTA events. Lace has that versatility, you see. Just a touch of it adds a splash of glamour to an outfit; go overboard and you’re practically red carpet ready. As long as my nipples aren’t escaping through the gaps (not an image I wanted to plant in your brains, readers, but there you go) I can live with the saucy connotations. In my humble opinion, a wearer of lace is a taker of chances, and that’s a style statement I’m happy to put out there, man.

The lace of 2010 is totally to die for. The outerwear is just as gobsmackingly good as the underwear. How do you choose, for example, between this adorable long-sleeved Joy dress and this stonking Topshop bralet? Buy them both. It’s the only answer.

Before you start telling me you don’t have the body – or balls – to do lace, be assured that it’s coming atcha in all shapes and sizes. If you want to keep it light, check out this lace layered tunic, Yumi oversize dress, lace insert top and lace blazer.

For maximum impact, splash out on Stella McCartney’s stunner, go girly to the max in a racer dress, do the nude thang in this scallop number, or properly go for broke in a corset top.

I don’t have time to start blethering on about vintage lace, but something about this cheeky dress by Vila is just saying retro chic to me. I’m imagining myself in a 1970’s New York cocktail bar in that baby. Somebody buy me a plane ticket! And a time machine!

Finally, given my obsession with all things green, if I don’t own this mint (in every sense of the word) blouse in the next 24-hours, you can tie me down and call me Gordon.

So, I think we’ve established that you’ll all be wearing lace this spring. Ok? Good.

Dolce & Gabbana – I totally would.

Written by Johanna Payton