Euro trash

I’m back! Did you miss me? It’s lovely to see how many visitors the Fashion Detective is getting each day (even when she is overseas lusting after designer dresses), so just a cheesy pause for gratitude – and do keep on keeping on. There. Normal service resumed.

So, France. I wasn’t in gay Paris, fash-cap of Europe, but I did pop into Monte Carlo for an afternoon of looking at things I couldn’t afford and drinking millions of cocktails that broke my bank account. Anyways, there are some pretty tasty shops to behold around the famed Monaco casino. Just enough to get a feel for the French take on AW10/11.

Where the British high street is full of autumnal colour, the focus in designer-led Monaco was very much on black. Delighted to see that Chanel were pedalling black, sequinned leggings in their window, so I can dig out last year’s harems of the same nature from JOY (my other half will be overJOYed about that indeed – he does not understand harem trousers in the slightest and keeps asking when I’ll stop wearing pants that make me look like I’ve pooed myself).

Not too keen on the fur overload in Chanel – I’m deffo wavering when it comes to the Mukluk-style bizniz to the right. If you’re madder than me (granted, that’s not easy) and you’re after a high street version, these New Look copies are quite convincing.

I might be a bit more subtle about it with these discounted faux-fur wedges from Office, and I’m quite partial to these authentic little beasts – or, I could even consider (I said consider – I ain’t made of money) splashing out on these suede bandage babies by Roberto Cavalli. Yumma.

Lanvin are leading the way in utter sex appeal this season. The clean lines, sexy cuts and dark colours are all speaking my language. And when I clocked their techno stretch jumpsuit I got so excited I think I had a teeny, tiny orgasm. Trust Toppers to come up with something vaguely similar and a million times more affordable.

One of my fave fashion spots in Monaco was in the Louis Vuitton window. I love a birra Louis and although my photo (right) doesn’t do it justice, the nude, knitted, lace-panelled dress I was dribbling over ticks just about every autumnal trend in the (look) book. Although I can’t get quite as excited about this Miss Selfridge looky likey, it is an acceptable substitute.

In Monte Carlo, after an exhaustive window shop, I sat back and watched a show-off Italian lady have a tourist take her photo while she held aloft about eight bags from the above stores. I cried a little bit inside. And then I remembered that it’s not about what you can afford to splurge in a bona fide designer shop (or how many Mai Tais you have to put away to console yourself because you can’t afford anything from said shops), it’s about how good you can make yourself look on any budget, in any town.

OMG – I really am turning into Gok. Kill me….now!

That there Lanvin jumpsuit what did do rude things to me

Written by Johanna Payton