Tweedy (not as in Cheryl)

Itchy, itchy, scratchy, scratchy. I have a pair of wide legged tweed trousers that I unearthed in a charity shop millions of years ago. I love those trousers, but man they are uncomfortable. I tried every fabric softener, every tumble drier sheet on the market, but nothing could stop the prickly leg syndrome those trews brought on.

Still, they were stylish and they could even be described as hot with the right accessories. The zip has been broken for approximately three years, and they are stuffed in a carrier bag which resides in the gap between my chest of drawers and the wall. Having looked at the latest fashion offerings, they are coming out of retirement and going to the dry cleaners to be fixed up (the idea of me repairing a zip by myself is preposterous).

There’s a really fine line when it comes to tweed. Get a cut too sharp or a line too long and you go from ‘come and get it’ to Country Living in a nano second. Tailoring is good, but needs to be chic or people will expect you to get green wellies and a rain hat out of your Birkin.

Take this Topshop jacket for example; wear it with anything white, girly or over the knee and you will look drab, drab, drab. Wear with high-waisted skinny flares and a hot ruffle blouse and you are talking my language.

A vintage-style tweed coat is always going to work and this season you can toughen it up with a pair of military style boots – All Saints’ shearling version are still top of my wish list. For a splash of colour with your vintage style, try Warehouse’s faux fur collar coat, or for a decadent twist I like Ben de Lisi’s vintage design for Principles.

I’ve yabbered on and on about 50s looks and this cute, bow detail dress by Miss Selfridge ticks the Mad Men boxes. The flocked tweed 2-in-1 dress at Oasis is hot to trot too.

Skirts are fraught with problems. I fully endorse Karen Millen’s lace detail mini and Next’s basic brown version (‘specially with the socks), but promise me you’ll avoid full-on A lines and only go for over-the-knee if the skirt is a pencil fit? Good.

Shorts may be a safer bet and somehow, Tweed shorts work exceedingly well in winter. Topshop’s Pu trim shorts are definitely doing it for me. And weirdly, I am also drawn to these tweed lounge pants by Markus Lupfer. I don’t understand that one myself, but then my collection of wacky pants is formidable.

Finally, a cape. Just buy this one – and pray it’s not itchy.

These tweedy ladies look very appealing, innit.

Written by Johanna Payton